Monday, May 23, 2005
+ Sad again... +
Can't find job...
Is it that I have not sent enough resumes or are my resumes ineffective?? No appointment for interviews... no emails nothing!!!
My confidence level is juz going down n down n with it my expectations and aspirations...
I feel like the 4 yrs in sch did nothign for me.. wasted.. completely...
Maybe I'd feel better tinking the job for me is not open yet... still in the black hole... waiting to emerge n find me...
Yah wait for job to find me... dream on... dream dream dream....
But really I shld take things easy... n not be stuck w someting I'll hate... hmm....
Is it me who dunno wat I wan or is there nothing THat I wan??
I hope it's the latter but I tink it's the 1st... so bad so bad.... so all those career talks maybe they mean somethng... =P
Emotional ctrl... good or bad.... I really dunno... sometimes really appropriate to juz not say a thing.. sometimes really feel like pouring all out.. n to whom is the next qn n the next is for wat....
If saying something only makes the burden heavier and no effect on anyting... wat's really the purpose???
sometimes there is really no need for tok... But I juz feel it's gd to say... sometimes there are some qn that i know i dun wan the answer... but I'll still ask... for wat?? I dunno...
Life is one huge messy dilemma... Filled with internal struggle, covered by the calm surface....
Does others feel this way or is it juz me.... I am in dilemma over almost anything... tink I am juz a indecisive idiot.. not really of much use to this world... hmm... I've been trying to find my values.. my worth.. my purpose.. my reason... for being alive... none haf I found... or maybe tt's my purpose n reason... to find n discover my purpose n reason....
Maybe that is juz an excuse of a person who dunno herself well... Maybe there is no predesignated reason... I am suppose to decide on that and carry it out... decide on wat I wan n try to get it.. be daring n free n bold n straightforward... take some risk....
All my life so far haf been quite smooth sailing coz I always take the safe route... maybe this time I shld take one tt though I tink tt it maynot work... I still take....maybe it'll lead to something different???
Vitamint_D @ 10:11 PM
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Friday, May 20, 2005
+ The 20th DAe +
Been 20 dayz since my last paper....
So long!!!!!!!!
Such lengths of boredom and such periods of disappointments...
Now I understand why working life makes ppl less optimistic about life...... It's actually the jobsearch that brings the whole point of view of LIFE down......
I am so sad... so disappointed in myself... really useless... maybe I shld juz pack my bks, buy new ones and go back to sch....
Or maybe I shld juz go back to BTI and be a lab rat... maybe I belong in such places where human relationship plays no part and everyone juz do wat they wan n wat is needed of them n get out of the place......
NO no!! I dun wan!!! I wan to work at somewhere interesting, where I can learn something....
Been really stressing myself out recently and really binge... on my wardrobe... bought so much new clothes that are in my view really extra... but somehow... buying something makes me feel like I've got something done... something I want done.... MY poor account tho....
Wonder wat job I'll end up with... this is all so exciting yet so depressing....
I want to work!!!!!! I'M BORED TO TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankfully me going Malaysia next week... n results are coming out when I return... such an exciting wk ahead... think my brains are going to explode from the pressure and excitement.... the push of excitement within and the pressure applied from outside.... =(
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Vitamint_D @ 12:55 PM
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Sunday, May 08, 2005
+ Exam's over at last... =) +
Thot that after exams I will be able to enjoy the great feelin of putting down a great burden....
NO that's not to be the case....
I juz put down one and carry another.... but for now,
I decided to carry this second burden n enjoy my life 1st... hee...
been doing nothing much the past one week.....juz had a lot of slacking n fun time... hee... but too bad haven't been clubbing... no one to go with anyway..... =P
Watched alot of cartoons.... Initial D and GTO.... Oh Onizuka is so so shuai.... Love him even in the cartoon more Ah Beng form.... =P Funny that I can fall azzz watching Initial D tho... Takomi's quite cute too...
Also watched quite a few movies.......
HOuse of Wax.....hmm.... usual bimbotic show with pretty gals with scary figure running ard n doing stupid things like trapping themselves in the basements... the hunks are himbos too..... but the ending of the show is not bad... nice effect... lots of gruesome effects too (Not that I really see all of them... covered my eyes for some parts...) not a bad show.... but tix price increasing... sad....
Then also watched some dvds.... watched a cannibalism movie juz now.... hmm... really wonder who are the true cannibals.... should we really fear wat's different from us?? And in the 1st place, are they really different from us???
Then I watch Stepford's Wife.... interesting show but too simple a story line... the idea's really interesting... Tho a stepford's husband wld be nicer... but maybe guys do not haf much room for improvement in terms of looks... maybe they'll haf a part 2?? Hee... (Rubbish)
Me learning guitar now... me only haf few pathetic cords..... cannot really play much songs... hope can do tt by the time i start working...
Today's Mummy's DAe.... My mum's the Best MUm on Earth....... coz i only haf one mum.... so tt line really dun mean much.... I've always thot.... I feel that the best time to celebrate mother's day is on my b-dae... coz tht's the dae that she suffered quite a bit and it's the start of her suffering... As I am her 1st child... it's really the start for my mummy.....My mum's a real wonderful women.... keepin the family going.... n trying to appear happy.... and thinks so much for us.... I always think tt she thinks too much.... worries too much.... but it really cannot be help... tt is the occupation hazard of being a mum..... The best I can do is to assure her I am fine all the time...
Being a mother is really a tiring job... n is really stereotyped... Y Dad cannot take over a Mum's job??? Hmm... tho I am not sure if mum's willing to take over dad's job.... hee....
My Job search starts tmr... all the best to me... =)
Vitamint_D @ 5:08 PM
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